JAPAN FROM THE COW-WALK TO THE BRAWL EVER SINCE ITS FOUNDING 73 
YEARS AGO, THE JAPANESE DIET HAS HAD A HARD TIME DISTINGUISHING 
BETWEEN ROBERT'S RULES OF ORDER AND THOSE OF THE MARQUIS OF 
QUEENSBERRY . JUST AS THE TYPHOONS COME TO JAPAN IN SEPTEMBER, 
AND THE CHERRY BLOSSOMS IN APRIL, THE PARLIAMENTARY BRAWLING SEASON ARRIVES 
IN JUNE, FILLING THE DIET WITH THE SOUND OF CRASHING FISTS 
AND STRANGLED CURSES . THIS YEAR THE SEASON ARRIVED ON SCHEDULE 
. MORE THAN SECRETARIES . BEFORE WORLD WAR II, BRAWLING WAS 
A COMMON PRACTICE AMONG HOT-BLOODED DELEGATES WHO, IN THE SAMURAI TRADITION, 
WERE REALLY HANKERING FOR MEDIEVAL DAYS WHEN POLITICAL DIFFERENCES WERE SETTLED 
WITH THE SWORD . THROUGHOUT THE DIET BUILDING, THE MAJOR CONSERVATIVE 
PARTIES STATIONED FLYING SQUADS OF YOUNG TOUGHS, KNOWN IRONICALLY AS INGAIDAN 
(LOBBYISTS), ALWAYS READY FOR HECKLING OR FIGHTING . DURING THE POSTWAR 
YEARS, THE U.S . TRIED TO ENFORCE GOOD BEHAVIOR, BUT THE 
QUIET SPELL ENDED WITH THE LIFTING OF THE OCCUPATION . THOUGH 
THE INGAIDAN WERE GONE, DIET MEMBERS HIRED HEAVY-FISTED BRAWLERS AS " 
SECRETARIES . " A BIG RIOT IN JUNE 1954 INJURED SOME 
50 PERSONS, FORCED LIBERAL PREMIER SHIGERU YOSHIDA TO CANCEL A LONG-PLANNED 
TRIP TO THE U.S . AND APOLOGIZE TO THE EMPEROR . 
SURVIVORS OF THAT FIGHT RECALL THE ARRIVAL OF AN OPPOSITION LEADER, 
BUKICHI ( " BIG BADGER " ) MIKI, WHO VEHEMENTLY OBJECTED 
TO WESTERN DRESS AND ALWAYS WORE A KIMONO . HE SHOWED 
UP FOR THE FIGHT DRESSED IN ARMY FATIGUES AND COMBAT BOOTS, 
EXPLAINED TO COLLEAGUES THAT " YOU CAN'T KICK WITH A KIMONO 
ON, YOU KNOW . " SINCE THEN, JAPAN'S EMERGENT SOCIALISTS HAVE 
INTRODUCED A WHOLE NEW ARRAY OF TECHNIQUES, MANY MORE OR LESS 
NONVIOLENT . THE MOST POPULAR IS USHI ARUKI, OR COW-WALKING . 
REALIZING THAT THEY CANNOT BLOCK THE OVERWHELMING CONSERVATIVE MAJORITY, THE SOCIALISTS 
DO THEIR BEST TO SLOW BUSINESS TO A STANDSTILL . IN 
BALLOTING SESSIONS, EACH SOCIALIST MEMBER GETS UP SLOWLY AS HIS NAME 
IS CALLED, SHUFFLES TOWARD THE ROSTRUM WITH THE SHORTEST STEPS POSSIBLE 
. WHERE IT TAKES 230 CONSERVATIVES ONLY 15 MINUTES TO VOTE, 
120 SOCIALISTS CONSUME AS MUCH AS AN HOUR AND A HALF 
. COW-WALKING IS COMBINED WITH SITDOWN STRIKES IN DIET CORRIDORS, DELIBERATE 
TRAFFIC JAMS, BOYCOTTS, AND PICKETING TO PREVENT THE SPEAKER FROM TAKING 
HIS SEAT . THROUGH THESE TACTICS, THE SOCIALISTS FORCE ALLNIGHT SESSIONS, 
HOPING THAT THE WORNOUT GOVERNMENT MEN WILL HAVE TO GIVE IN 
SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE . NOT ENOUGH BODIES . THIS YEAR, 
WITH A BACKLOG OF 66 BILLS STILL STALLED IN COMMITTEE, PREMIER 
IKEDA ORDERED HIS MEN TO PUSH THEM THROUGH BEFORE THE DIET 
SESSION CLOSES JULY 6 . WHEN THE GOVERNMENT PARTY RECENTLY USED 
ITS MAJORITY TO FORCE A VOTE ON A CONTROVERSIAL RELIEF-LAW REVISION, 
COW-WALKING WAS NO LONGER ENOUGH . FISTS AND ASHTRAYS STARTED TO 
FLY . BATTLING LAWMAKERS SHOUTED : " RESPECT PARLIAMENTARY PROCEDURES ! 
" THE BRAWLING LATER SPREAD TO THE CABINET COMMITTEE, WHERE FIVE 
BILLS WERE STALLED . SOCIALISTS MASSED AROUND THE COMMITTEEROOM DOOR TO 
PREVENT CHAIRMAN TADANORI NAGAYAMA FROM ENTERING . A FLYING WEDGE OF 
BURLY CONSERVATIVE " SECRETARIES " SMASHED THROUGH, CARRYING THE AGING, ANEMIA-WEAKENED 
CHAIRMAN IN WITH THEM . AS THE VOTE WAS HURRIEDLY TAKEN, 
SOCIALISTS SCREAMED " FASCIST DICTATORSHIP ! " AND CHARGED . IN 
THE MELEE, CHAIRMAN NAGAYAMA DISAPPEARED, WAS RESCUED TEN MINUTES LATER BY 
DIET GUARDS WHO FOUND HIM BRUISED AND BLEEDING ON THE FLOOR 
. HE WAS RUSHED TO A HOSPITAL . " WE WON'T 
HAVE ENOUGH BODIES TO GO AROUND IF PEOPLE GET INJURED EVERY 
TIME A CONTROVERSIAL BILL COMES UP, " SAID YUTARO TAKEYAMA, HEAD 
OF THE GOVERNMENT PARTY'S STRATEGY COMMITTEE . " WE WILL JUST 
HAVE TO APPOINT STRONGER MEN TO COMMITTEE CHAIRMANSHIPS, MEN WHO WON'T 
GET PUT OUT OF ACTION EVERY TIME THE GOING GETS ROUGH 
. / 