THE ROAD TO JAIL IS PAVED WITH NONOBJECTIVE ART SINCE THE KREMLIN'S 
SHARPEST BARBS THESE DAYS ARE AIMED AT MODERN ART AND " 
WESTERN ESPIONAGE, " IT WAS JUST A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE 
THE KGB'S COPS WOULD TURN UP A VICTIM WHOSE WRONGDOINGS COMBINED 
BOTH EVILS . HE TURNED OUT TO BE A LENINGRAD PHYSICS 
TEACHER WHOSE TASTE FOR ABSTRACT PAINTING ALLEGEDLY LED HIM TO JOIN 
THE U.S . SPY SERVICE . POLICE SAID THEY FIRST SPOTTED 
THE TEACHER, ONE RUDOLF FRIEDMAN, AS HE MUTTERED UNCOMPLIMENTARY REMARKS ABOUT 
SOCIALIST REALISM WHILE STROLLING THROUGH LENINGRAD'S RUSSIAN MUSEUM . A WELL-DRESSED 
U.S . TOURIST APPROACHED HIM, ENTHUSIASTICALLY SHARED HIS SENTIMENTS, AND PROMISED 
TO SEND FRIEDMAN REPRODUCTIONS OF AVANT-GARDE PAINTINGS FROM AMERICA . THE 
PICTURE FRIEDMAN LIKED BEST, SAID THE COPS INDIGNANTLY, WAS A " 
CHAOS OF BLACK, RED AND BLUE SPLOTCHES CAPTIONED I NEED YOU 
TONIGHT . " SOON, THEY SAID, THE TEACHER WAS GETTING MESSAGES 
FROM THE U.S . WRITTEN IN INVISIBLE INK . JUST AS 
FRIEDMAN PREPARED TO DELIVER INFORMATION " VERY REMOTE FROM THEORETICAL ARGUMENTS 
ABOUT ABSTRACT ART, " POLICEMOVED IN AND HUSTLED HIM OFF TO 
JAIL . 