JAPAN WHEN THEY START PLAYING FOOTSIE, IT'S TIME FOR A GIRL TO 
QUIT ALONG THE GINZA, TOKYO'S GARISH MAIN STEM, A BAR GIRL 
HAS TO BE ABLE TO HANDLE ALL TYPES BUT EVEN SO, 
THERE'S A LIMIT . IT CAME FOR ONE GINZA DOLL LAST 
WEEK WHEN, AS SHE PUT IT, " I FELT SOMETHING PLAYING 
FOOTSIE WITH ME UNDER THE TABLE . " SAID SHE : 
" I FIGURED IT WAS THE CUSTOMER ; BUT THE GAME 
WENT ON AFTER HE EXCUSED HIMSELF . THEN I LOOKED DOWN, 
AND THERE WAS THIS HUGE RAT TRYING TO PRY SOME MEAT 
OUT FROM UNDER MY FOOT . SURE, I KNEW WE HAD 
RATS, BUT WHEN THEY GET THAT FAMILIAR, I QUIT . " 
MELONS & MINKS . THEY HAVE BEEN GETTING MORE IMPORTUNATE EVERY 
DAY . SOME 2,000,000 STRONG, TWICE AS NUMEROUS AS THE DISTRICT'S 
DAYTIME HUMAN POPULATION, THE GINZA RAT KINGDOM SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN 
CAUGHT UP IN A REVOLUTION OF RODENT EXPECTATIONS . NO LONGER 
CONTENT WITH THEIR NETWORK OF UNDERGROUND RIVERS AND SEWERS, ARMIES OF 
RATS NOW PROWL THE GINZA EVERY NIGHT AFTER THE CABARETS HAVE 
CLOSED AND BEFORE DEPARTMENT STORES OPEN . RATS WITH AFFLUENT TASTES 
GORGE THEMSELVES ON SUCH FANCY GROCERIES AS MELONS, LEATHER FURNITURE AND 
MINK COATS . ONE GORMANDIZING RAT PACK EVEN HELD UP CONSTRUCTION 
OF A NEW BUILDING BY CHEWING THROUGH A STRONG BOX AND 
GOBBLING THE BLUEPRINTS ; DIM GINZA BARS HAVE REGULAR, UNSCHEDULED BLACKOUTS 
WHENEVER RATS GNAW THROUGH POWER LINES, A NEVER-FAILING TASTE TREAT . 
WHEN A U.S . TOURIST WAS ASSURED BY THE MANAGER OF 
A LUXURIOUS GINZA HOTEL THAT HE COULDN'T POSSIBLY HAVE SEEN A 
RAT " AS BIG AS A CAT " IN HIS ROOM, 
THE AMERICAN BOUGHT A RAT TRAP, SHOWED UP AT THE RESERVATION 
DESK THE NEXT DAY TRIUMPHANTLY LUGGING A F-LB . RATTUS NORVEGICUS 
. LAST WEEK TOKYO'S SANITATION DEPARTMENT JOINED FORCES WITH A PASSEL 
OF PRIVATE EXTERMINATORS IN AN ALL-OUT CAMPAIGN TO KEEP THE GINZA 
FOR PEOPLE . WITH MILITARY PRECISION, ANTI-RAT GUERRILLAS FANNED OUT THROUGH 
DARKENED DEPARTMENT STORES IN STOCKINGED FEET, COORDINATING THEIR OFFENSIVE BY MEANS 
OF WALKIE-TALKIES . " THIS IS C TEAM CALLING B TEAM, 
" WHISPERED ONE COMMUNICATIONS MAN TO THE UNIT ON THE FLOOR 
BELOW HIM . " I HEAR RATS ON THE EASTERN SIDE 
OF THE FLOOR SCURRYING DOWN . CLOSE DOOR IMMEDIATELY . OVER 
. " MEATBALLS & MIKES . FOR WEAPONS, THE RAT HUNTERS 
MOSTLY USED A SUPPLY OF 300,000 POISONED MEATBALLS ABOUT ONE FOR 
EVERY SIX OR EIGHT RATS BELIEVED TO BE IN THE GINZA 
. EXTERMINATORS BUGGED RATHOLES WITH TINY MICROPHONES SO AS TO DETECT 
ENEMY STRONGHOLDS . THEY ALSO PLANTED EXTRASTRONG TRAPS THAT ARE NORMALLY 
USED TO TRAP MINK SINCE GINZA RATS ARE A SPECIAL SAMURAI 
BREED THAT CAN USUALLY CHEW THROUGH A CONVENTIONAL TRAP . THE 
HUNTERS HAD NO ILLUSIONS ABOUT THEIR FOE . " THE GINZA 
RATS ARE TERRIBLY CLEVER, " SAID ONE OLD RODENT FIGHTER . 
" YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE A MEATBALL BY A RATHOLE AND 
EXPECT THEM TO EAT ITS MUCH TOO OBVIOUS . WHAT YOU 
MUST DO IS PUT THE MEATBALLS IN, SAY, A CARDBOARD BOX 
WITH A LITTLE HOLE IN IT . THEN THE RAT WILL 
EAT IT THINKING IT'S SOMETHING YOU DON'T WANT HIM TO HAVE 
. " IN THREE DAYS, THE EXTERMINATORS HAD KILLED ABOUT 6,500 
RATS OUTRIGHT, AND EXPECTED ANOTHER 3,000 TO DIE LATER AS THE 
POISON TOOK EFFECT . BUT EACH FEMALE RAT CAN THEORETICALLY PRODUCE 
ABOUT 70 OFFSPRING EVERY YEAR . CONCLUDED ONE SANITATION OFFICIAL : 
" WHAT WE REALLY NEED IS THE PIED PIPER OF HAMELIN 
. / 